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006 – New Journal, Toxic Positivity & 800m PB Challenge

I started a fresh new Journal today. Feels sooo good.
With each journal I give it a theme. The last journal was ‘Water. Be fluid and formless like water’. To me this meant feeling and letting things flow – emotions both good and bad. I wanted allow myself to be okay feeling negative emotions, and let them pass.
To be ‘awakened’ in a spiritual sense is not to just see positive everywhere you go and always feel good. It is to be conscious and aware of what’s around you. To sit and feel emotions. To identify the feelings so that you can navigate why you feel this way and pave a way out.
Personally, I am someone who has and can grit their way through very tough times. I actually take pride in the belief that if I am backed into a corner and have no choice but succeed, I will. This is strength for sure.
However, the process for me doing this in the past has left me feeling hardened in some aspects of my being and operating in hyper independence. It has been hard for me to admit to people that at times I am not okay and am deeply struggling.
A lot of my identity was forged in fire, pain and my ability to persevere and come out better, but not unscathed.
I wouldn’t be in the situation of success I am today without the hard times. Equally there are old habits and crutches that I know helped me get through these times that will hold me back from what’s ahead.
And to be frank, it has been painful coming to terms with this and shedding these things that feel apart of my identity. I am still walking this out, and I don’t quite have the words to articulate this experience yet.
Toxic Positivity
The internet is an excellent source of information. There is endless sources of positive quotes, inspirational media and practical advice to get you through a rut.
There is no end to the positive quotes you can read online.
Read much. Know much. But still feel like shit. I am experienced this.
This is where I have learnt, it’s not about the words. Word’s are vessels. They carry associations and connections to things the our minds can sequence together to draw meaning.
To know, is to experience. To experience is about the senses. What do you see, feel, smell, hear, taste… All these senses are real, and when you feel the experience of these sense, you can associate meaning. The words carry the frequency of the experience.
It occured to me, that’s probably why toxic positivity is a theme going around. It’s positive words shared that don’t carry the frequency of a positive experience. They are empty.
I want an 800m PB
I am currently in a intense block of training. It’s been excellent. I am sore. Quite a lot hahaha. But that’s good, means we are working. My coach, physio and I have put together a really good balance of training and communication. It’s paying off. Shocked myself in a few track sessions.
This block is about building back my running volume and fitness to carry my speed through the two days of a heptathlon. So far, things have been excellent and my body has held up incredibly well. I find myself having conversations with my body thanking it for doing so well.
I compete on the 9th March at the QLD State Championships. I want to run an 800m PB. I am thinking a 2:17 high. I may do some additional events too, depends how training is going across the events at that time. We shall see.
The 800m is a grit event. To be honest I approached it with a weak mindset at my last heptathlon and didn’t give myself the opportunity to hit it hard. It’s not like I haven’t done the work. I had a weak mindset. So to rectify, I told my coach, I want to do an 800m with the intent to run a PB at states.
This will get my body and mind primed for some big performances at Nationals. So I shall.
Anyways. That’s the memo.
A big week ahead.

About Me

I’m a digital developer, heptathlete and creator. I like writing about wellness, perichoresis, web3.0 and athletics.

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I write a weekly memo documenting my journey, thoughts & insights.